THE Asylum

I f you have too many suds in your washing machine, simply add a little fabric softener. All the suds will vanish.

Do not piss in the machine. That is the Australian Method

To avoid this you should brown the flour well before adding the liquid to make the gravy. This will also help prevent lumpy gravy, and we all know what a bastard that is, if we had those vile school dinners with some old grouchy bat whose shadow weighed 350lb, and who spat every time she spoke, so you didn’t ask her anything unless you wanted her phlegm in your dinner.

Another way of browning flour is not to crap in it, that is the Australian method.

No, what you do is to put it in a custard cup, and place it beside the meat in the oven. Not to close we don’t want baby flour steaks now do we? Anyway, once the meat is done, the flour will be nice and brown and ready to be added to make a rich brown gravy just like mommy does, but without the lumps in, eh?

Dear Folks,

When you are in a stew or soup, and it has too much salt here is what to do.

No, you don’t piss in it to dilute it, that is the Australian method.

What you do is to cut raw potatoes and add to the stew, and take them out and discard them once they are cooked and they absorbed all the salt! Presto! Nice Stew again!

Another remedy is to add a teaspoon each of cider vinegar and sugar.